Tuesday 14 December 2021

Do not try this at home





Our town is inordinately proud of its Christmas lights, which are pretty much in a league of their own. Literally all of the colours, especially primary ones, very thick ropes of matt tinsel and some very striking shapes, all topped off with a giant Santa over the top of a very strange and ancient shop that I have never seen anyone in, ever, but that has been there since the dawn of time. I will try and take more photos if I can, it really is something to behold.

On the home front, there was a small snafu with the dishwasher. I consulted YouTube, which helpfully said things like, 'Open the chamber door. Clean the impeller from the litter. Move to a more spacious place. Turn the machine over the back and remove the bottom.' I got a man in, who sorted it in about two and a half minutes. I had to wait about two weeks for him to be available though, apparently business is brisk. 

The littlest boy made cheesecake in school cookery last week. He designed his own and somehow I ended up trying to make chocolate curls to go on the top. I consulted YouTube again. Honestly, I have no idea how I got through life at all before the advent of YouTube. GlutenFreeHabit had an absolutely wonderful video setting out the whole process, step by step. I didn't have a marble slab or an off-set spatula or a plastering trowel but I didn't let that put me off. I melted the chocolate and off we went.

It is best to say that it is not the sort of thing to attempt when you are in any sort of rush or in any way a tiny bit stressed or feeling irritable about anything. Suffice to say there was a big mess and I only had one very small half-curl at the end of it all. Nothing makes me crosser than when I can't instantly do something. GlutenFreeHabit had made it look so easy! And her curls were utter perfection. At the end, she actually says, 'And that's all there is to it!' I ended up with chocolate bits all over the shop and a level of rage that is usually only achieved by a substantial technological failure. And there somehow seemed to be a lot less chocolate at the end of it all. 

The littlest boy took in a tub of broken bits of chocolate anyway and gamely sprinkled them over the top of his cheesecake. The situation was entirely redeemed by the new deputy head saying it looked so nice it was what he would be having on Christmas day. I am reminding myself not to attempt anything so reckless ever again. 


In festive news, I have been agonising over the whole Christmas tree situation, as I do every year. Buy a tree so that we can all sit around and watch it slowly dry out and die before putting it out for the council recycling scheme? Buy a fake one at a far higher cost to the planet initially, but could keep it for ever? One in a pot? Obtain unwanted and unloved secondhand fake tree from Ebay or Freecycle - but might be pale pink or some other out-of-favour colour? A bunch of artistically arranged bare branches from the woods that I can return after it is all over? I tried talking it through with the middle child who was the one who wanted the tree, during which time it became apparent that he wanted nothing to do with the actual process of getting it. I had memorised some statistics on carbon footprints which I felt were fairly solid, but he is verbally very slippery and before long he had confused me as to what my figures actually referred to. 

The minute I suggested he come along on a trip to find a tree he started backing out of the entire project claiming not to be bothered at all. I said I felt I couldn't make him the only child around without a Christmas tree. He played it carefully, wanting to subtly guilt-trip me into tree provision but without any risk of being required to partake in any way. 

I think I have decided that I will go to a garden centre and see if they have one in a pot. If I throw in a hot chocolate the littlest boy will come too. I may be too late to bag one by now, people seem to have their trees up very early at the moment. They may be too pricey. I am picturing something rather lovely, in a sort of glaucous shade. But if a free pale pink tinsel tree comes my way I shall embrace it and frankly enjoy the collective familial horror. 

21 comments:

  1. Brilliant post; you write beautifully and it always cheers me up. I sympathise about the dishwasher situation. Luckily for me, R is usually quite good at that sort of thing when my method of looking it up on YouTube (yes, what did we do without it?!), then getting cross and tearful when I can't do it, doesn't cut the mustard.
    Your town's Christmas decorations sound delightful and I understand your tree dilemma. I'm ignoring it all wholesale this year - our only decoration being a small wooden ornament that the neighbours brought us back from their holiday.
    The cheesecake is a triumph and the chocolatey bits definitely make it!:O)
    I fear that your middle son might have a bright future in politics with his uncanny ability to manipulate a situation like that! xx

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  2. Our local RSPB site invites people to go and pull up a Christmas tree at their reserve at Arne, this is part of the heath management. When my kids were small we had a tradition of going into the woods and collecting fallen fir branches which we tied together and made a tree ourselves - one year they pleaded with me to have a real tree so we had a tiny one in a pot. They all have families of their own now and all three of them murder trees at Christmas, so sadly my principles bore no fruit for the future. :-(

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  3. Just a thought...have you ever considered renting one? In our neck of the woods (Cheltenham), I believe it's the new 'in thing'. Families even beg for the same tree the following year for sentimental reasons! Good luck with your quandary. Sue.

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  4. For several years after my divorce, I didn't have a proper Christmas tree, but a collection of twisty willow sticks in a big vase with lights and sparkly things on did the trick (and made me look far more stylish than I really am!). This year I am going all-out on a proper tree and satisfy my conscience by composting/chipping it at the allotment. It won't go to waste.
    One more thing: when considering chocolate curls, crush a Cadbury's Flake instead. Frankly, I'm thinking of getting that translated into Latin and then adopting it as my family motto.
    Happy Christmas! Txx

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    1. You have made me laugh with your family motto, and a great tip for future chocolate decorations, thank you. I really like the willow sticks idea too. CJ xx

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  5. I hope a stress free bargain tree comes your way whatever the shade. In Jersey we’ve realised that there is only one delivery of trees at the end of November and if you don’t get one early they’re gone. We usually choose one and have it residing in the garden for some weeks.
    Oh your chocolate curling story had me chortling. I don’t do anything remotely technical with my chocolate. Just a quick grate with the grater. When my d in law was living with us she picked rose leaves and melted chocolate onto them and then peeled off the set chocolate perfectly. I can just imagine the disaster if I tried that..
    Lovely atmospheric photos and I love that shop window. Hope the dishwasher works well now. B x

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  6. It's so annoying when YouTube makes it look simple but in fact it's a complete faff. Who needs chocolate curls anyway?
    Buy your tree from a Christmas Tree Farm - there's a list on the British Christmas Tree Growers Association website. One of the warehouse DIY chains wanted their trees in stock by the beginning of November and some garden centre trees will have been cut down over a month ago, whereas we're still cutting on the farm this week. Mind you, it does seem a strange custom to drag a large tree into your house for a few weeks. Though perhaps even stranger to drag a large plastic tree.
    Adding Cadbury's flakes to my Christmas shopping list.

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  7. All of life's answers can be found on YouTube, I find! As regards the tree, for a few years we went with the foraged branch/ branches look; painted white and with fairy lights, it looked quite good, but then it became increasingly difficult to find a branch without chopping down half a tree and so this year we've got a potted tree( albeit very small!) from the garden centre which hopefully we can keep for a few years. I hope you solve your tree dilemma CJ.

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  8. Chocolate curls were never easy for me. I used to work in a pastry shop and I dreaded decorating cakes that called for big luscious curls. There is a trick to having the chocolate just slightly warm so that the curls peel off nicely. Good for you that you tried!

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  9. Even without chocolate curls the cheesecake looks delicious x

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  10. I'm in the use a flake for chocolate flakes, or just use a cheese grater works for me. The cheesecake does look good mind. I have left my fake tree in the garage this year, it's enormous and has artificial snow tipped branches. I went to the farm shop and got a real actual non dropping tree, believe that in two weeks time. Then I needed oldest son ( and my son is much much older than your son) to put it in the stand and fetch it in from the porch. It was worth his effort. Had to do something different this year. The local hospice will collect it and make money by chipping it. Result

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  11. Years ago, Eldest son and I popped into a local supermarket for something (can't remember what) and came home with a tree in a pot - during summer he (is called Treebeard) 'plays' in the garden with the garden trees and then comes in for two-ish weeks and gets dressed up and twinkly. Then goes back into the garden to recover his senses and play with the big trees again!

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  12. I live in Leicestershire, and I rent a tree each year. It is called Norman, and I get the same one each Christmas, then in the New Year and he goes and lives at the farm.

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  13. Many years ago, a regular customer at the cafe where I worked came in a couple of weeks before Christmas in quite a state. He was involved in a very difficult case at work and hadn't had time to take the family for a tree, to the point where his wife had bought a pink tinsel tree for their daughter as they thought they wouldn't get a tree at all. We talked a while and had a cuppa, and I sent him off home to have a good Christmas with his family, but I always think of them when I hear of pink trees!
    The cheesecake looks great. A vegetable peeler down the side of a bar of chocolate gives nice curls. As someone else said, it's better if the chocolate isn't too hard.

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  14. You could always rent a tree. Collection can be done from Winstones Ice Cream. Website here:
    https://www.rentalchristmastree.com/

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  15. We have a good false tree (I bought mine in January in a sale) because I just can't bear to think of a tree growing for about 8 years only to be cut off at the trunk and looked at for two weeks before being shredded. I have had my tree for 14 years. Don't know what your figures are but do you reckon I have another 8 years...before I can get a pink one!!! I a similar note big girl has entered the 'bake off' at school and is making a mincepie medley four ways. I watched as the kitchen turned into a war zone while she tried each type and simultaneously wrote down timings in a notebook. Kids eh?

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  16. As usual a most enjoyable read, and good pictures. I'm intrigued by that strange shop you mention, what does it sell? The cheesecake with chocolate bits looks delicious.
    I hope that you got a Christmas tree you like. xx

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  17. honestly I love to read your blog , I have laughed out loud on so many occasions , family life , challenging but wonderful , I miss my kids being small, [mine are all grown up now] but I remember what it could be like , hope you found the perfect tree , I also am intrigued by the mysterious shop devoid of customers , what does it sell I wonder

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  18. That cheesecake looks absolutely delicious. I have never attempted to make chocolate curls, it would send my temper through the roof. I would maybe grate some chocolate with a grater but in all likelihood, I'd probably just eat the chocolate. Your young man is lucky to have home economics and cooking. I think the whole of Glasgow has two home economics teachers and they must be on sick leave. My boys classes have not happened in a year. We may never get a nice cheese cake. YouTube is fabulous... sometimes. I use it to practice pronouncing words that I am not familiar with. There are people that make a living pronouncing single words for people like me. Happy Weekend xx

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  19. The Christmas lights in your town look so nice and festive. It's amazing to think that Christmas is just one week away. Trying to slow down and take it all in as it's over too quickly. The cheesecake looks amazing! It is one of my favorite desserts and would be perfect to serve for Christmas dinner dessert. Merry Christmas!

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  20. We have a fibre optics tree bought several year ago that is really mesmerising. YouTube really does get us out of some fixes doesn't it? Obviously not so helpful on the dishwasher oy chocolate curl front, My dishwasher has been going for years with no problem. He just needs feeding daily!

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