Wednesday 12 December 2018

How not to photograph mince pies








Oh my, Saturday was intense. You will recall that the biggest boy was doing food photography, and I was tasked with helping him create twenty things to take pictures of. TWENTY. I have always thought that food photography is astonishingly hard, and now I'm even more in awe of people who produce amazing images. Honestly, it was agony.

We went to the shops first and bought some Interesting Things, including some fantastic little squashes. I'll try and get a shot of them another day, it was a bit tense during the actual shoot in my tiny kitchen, with the biggest boy, the food everywhere, literally everywhere, most of which was poisonous to dogs, the dog, the biggest boy's tripod, which I fell over several times and the two others who were doing diablo and yo-yo (diablo is a circussy-trick kind of thing involving two long sticks and a heavy thing flying through the air).

We were VERY short on time, and VERY cross with each other for much of the day, partly because there wasn't enough time and partly because it was really hard to make things look good. Honestly, I was in there for hours, clearing up and generally being annoying. The biggest boy complained that the shots didn't look right. I told him he needed twinkly lights, rosehips and a sprig of ivy or two. He was not impressed. I think he would have preferred a slab of slate and a thunking great big knife, but other than the slate round the edge of the pond (which he did threaten to bring in at one point) these were the props we had.

He wanted a shot of icing sugar sprinkling down on mince pies. The first take was all wrong (my fault!) and because he insisted on using an auto thing rather than pressing the butting (camera shake!) I was sprinkling long before the shutter clicked and the mince pies ended up buried under half a centimetre of icing sugar. I debated hoovering it off, but I think we all know how that would have ended. In the end I put in some new mince pies and had another go. It had all reached farcical proportions by this point and I got a fit of the giggles which enraged some people. Suffice to say, the icing sugar shots did not make the final cut, nor did the cream pouring ones. As I say, it's REALLY hard to take a good shot.

Food in this house is not prettily arranged on plates, we are more quantity over style I'm afraid. I slam it down, they stuff it in, bam, job done. I seem to be sadly lacking in pretty vintage props as well. I couldn't find my lovely little old hand painted plates - far too small and dainty for anything this family eats. Maybe we should have done more of a social narrative shoot, with piles of carbohydrates and the ketchup bottle featuring large.

Anyway, it's done now, and I hoping the next lot of homework is a little easier on the mother. And that there is more than eighteen hours' notice. We shall see.

The littlest boy is on a bit of a roll at the moment. Two goals in his Sunday football match, his Silver Chief Scout Award at cubs and a note from his teacher talking about helpfulness and enthusiasm. It's true, he is always offering to help and his enthusiasm for absolutely everything is boundless, it makes me a bit dizzy at times. Oh, and he won the biggest bottle of wine imaginable in the school Christmas fayre tombola.

We spent the rest of the weekend working our way through the photogenic (and not so photogenic) food. It's a tough job etc. All well at your end?

20 comments:

  1. You had me chortling as you contemplated vacuuming the mince pies. I also love the image of you slamming food down and your family stuffing it in - sounds a bit like mealtimes round here. I think I'd have given up and risked plagiarism by taking a photo of something in a food magazine! Enjoy your very well dusted pies. xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. CJ - I felt I was there ! And I would have been giggling with hysteria and rank despair too.School projects can really knock the stuffing -sometimes quite literally- out of parents who clearly fail to make the grade for their high-aspiring offspring. Not for want of effort, or trying, but I certainly never seemed to get points for just Trying. In our house it was generally art work, (told about at around 10pm the night before). Or else there was a musical composition to conjure up, and record, with themes such as 'Passage' (?), in a fun-packed afternoon, or risk ruining my daughter's ENTIRE life.
    At least you got to eat the mince pies, and ordeals which do not kill you, make you stronger, apparently. I'm a veritable Pansy Potter, aka the Strong Man's daughter, (Beano comic), me. I suspect that you are, too. And diabolos, dogs, and the presence of a large bottle of wine cannot fail to add a bit of colour to the proceedings too. Respect !

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for asking CJ, all is well at our place. Also like the writers of the previous comments I had a good giggle about you "slamming it down, and they stuffing it in". The whole photography thing sounded like something totally out of control, and reminded me of our house when our kids were younger. School projects.......oh dear, I do remember some very memorable ones. I could just envisage you manourvering the end of the hoover and the mince pies disappearing down the nozzle if you weren't quick enough controlling it all. I do hope that your eldest doesn't read these comments or he will really be enraged at our mirth..... At least you did have lots of food to consume over tne weekend. Thanks for the laugh. Regards, Robyn

    ReplyDelete
  4. Just what I needed to read after yet another round at the shops. Thank goodness littlest boy is balancing out the Karma and that at least you could eat the fruits of your exceedingly hard labours. You have stirred memories of mother and son arguments about photo shoots in the past. The things we do for our children :) B x

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm sure it was all worthwhile in the end, and that they tasted as good as they look.
    Well done to the littlest boy on his achievements and win.
    All's good here thankfully. xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think they look really good! The pies and the photos. I especially like the last one. You're a very patient woman, CJ. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I slam it down, they stuff it in, bam, job done. That's us, totally. I don't really see the point in taking beautiful food photos, much prefer scoffing it down. Well done for keeping your cool (almost) and being generally patient with your biggest boy. The mince pies look delicious, I wonder if we have any in our cupboards. Your littlest is a superstar! Have a good few days xx

    ReplyDelete
  8. Isn't it a rule of childhood that the more enormous and complicated the homework, the less notice for preparation parents are given? We subscribed to that rule here for years. Well done you, a brilliant job done and a very funny narrative got out of it too. Win win! xx

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think you did very well with the food photos! My favorite is the fruit one.. and it probably was the easiest to prepare for. Your boys sound very sweet, all of them. You're a good momma. ((hugs)), Teresa :-)
    ****************************************
    *M*E*R*R*Y* * *C*H*R*I*S*T*M*A*S*!*
    ****************************************

    ReplyDelete
  10. He would not want pictures of the mince pies I make , mine usually look like I have dropped them , tidied not stop hubby eating them though .

    ReplyDelete
  11. I think the third photo in your post (mince pies, naturally) is really lovely. It reminds me of the food images in the Waitrose mag. Jolly good show all round - and also congrats to the Littles Boy, long may his boundless enthusiasm continue. Wishing you all a very happy christmas. x

    ReplyDelete
  12. You crack me up. I wish I was a fly on the wall! We are very much a slam it down, stuff it in family too. I've tried to arrange meals prettily but everyone looks at it suspiciously and wonders if I'm about to poison them. Well done to littlest boy. xx Susan

    ReplyDelete
  13. I think food photographers have a few cheats up their sleeves.

    ReplyDelete
  14. You're absolutely right – food photography is an art and good photographers can name their price. Being on a shoot for a food book is fascinating. There are people for lighting, props, styling (faffing) and the actual photographer. So a huge well done for managing what you did in the time you did in winter when it gets dark at 4pm!! I hope you had some of that wine :-) We bung food on the plate and scoff it down here, too. I'd win no prizes for presentation. Sam xx

    ReplyDelete
  15. Clearly you have the patience of a saint - with a sense of humour. In this digital age we are lucky that we can take a hundred pictures and discard of them just to get the winning shot.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oh yes! I well remember trying to help with homework projects and the ensuing frustration when things didn't go according to plan! Hold tight and hang on in there! Well done littlest boy for all those awards.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Please excuse my hysterical laughter as I picture the entire scenario... having been there and done it with various school projects I can reassure you that he will definitely forgive you. We did this with cheesecakes one year... endless blimin' cheesecakes!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I have to admit to smiling at your post - it all sounds very stressful but with a fit of the giggles it sounds like you got through it. So a burning question? did you eat the mince pies and will he get a job with the M&S marketing team? Jo xx

    ReplyDelete
  19. Well if it makes you feel better I was swearing at my oldest yesterday, I mean actually swearing at him. I think it is sometimes needed as it is all they respond to, but yours are much to young for that. I applaud you fro the fit of giggles, it was probably the thing that made it all okay. No giggles for me, I am still swearing in my head!

    ReplyDelete