Friday 15 December 2017

Passing


December is speeding by in the usual flurry of glitter and lists. I write them on the back of scrap paper and those slips the library puts in reserved books. There are always more things being added than crossed off.

I went to a funeral this week of a second cousin. I wasn't going to write about it, but I have all these thoughts that I just want to put somewhere. She died suddenly, having been in good health, and everyone was shocked. She was the most truly good person I have ever known. Everything she did was for other people. She lived a life of service and selflessness. I thought one day she would be old and it would be her turn to have people visit her and do things for her. It seems unfair that that is not to be.

She never married and never left home, and after her elderly mother died she spent every Christmas season in London working in a homeless shelter. She kept in touch with every friend and relative she  had, visiting, writing letters, inviting people to her home. She had planned her funeral, down to the last detail. Every hymn, poem and prayer was carefully chosen. She specified that no-one was to give her any tributes, 'even supposing you could find anyone willing to do so'. That made me cry. The church was packed, absolutely packed, and every single person could have spent an hour paying tribute to what an amazing person she was.

She cared for the natural world and asked for a funeral with as little environmental impact as possible. Recycled paper for the orders of service, car sharing to the little church on a hill where she was to be buried. She loved being with friends and family and sharing a meal with them and wanted hospitality extended to all who came to the funeral. There was a lovely spread in the church and photographs from her life.

She was generous, kind, clever and possessed of a deep, unwavering faith. She truly embodied Christianity. I doubt she was ever once irritable or judgemental or anything less than charitable. She treated everyone she met with the same friendliness, courtesy and genuine interest.

I know that by writing a tribute I am going against her wishes. But when someone that unique leaves this world it is hard to let it pass unmentioned. I left the funeral wanting to be a better, kinder, more patient person. Her example was shining. An overused phrase, but in her case, apt.

I woke up early this morning with these thoughts running through my mind. And the feeling that she was gone too soon. I sat in the chilly early hours to write some of the things down, just to remember things I don't want to forget. There are many memories of visits to her when I was little. I shall write them somewhere else, just for me, there are too many to put here. I used to love walking her dog with her and her mum. I was allowed to hold the lead and it was just the best thing. The littlest boy would have loved that too.

Their home was peaceful, tranquil. I was allowed to borrow an Anne of Green Gables book when I visited, and it was such a treasured thing. Her mum, my great-aunt, would make the most delicious tea and there would always be cheesies which were also the best thing. I asked for the recipe many years later. And now I'm so glad I have it. Sometimes things are left too late.

On the day of the funeral it rained and rained, but the sun came out at the end of the service and shone through the windows for a moment. It was incredibly moving. Her final resting place is at the top of a little hill, looking out for miles over the beautiful countryside. We stood around the grave and the wind howled and the rain lashed down and it all felt right, as it should be. The wildness of it all. I shall visit and leave flowers sometimes. I won't forget to visit and I won't forget the force for good that she was. I am so grateful for her life and for her example of how to live and for having known her.

I hope that hasn't been to heavy. An interlude among the holly and the glitter. When I got home I put my umbrella up in the biggest boy's room to dry where the puppy couldn't get to it and destroy it. Late that evening when I was in the living room there was a bit of a thump. The biggest boy came down and opened the door and said 'Sorry, I accidentally stood on your umbrella.' He had it dangling from his hand, more comprehensively destroyed than even Bertie could have managed. Spokes dangling, canopy crumpled. It had to be seen to be believed. I told him, "Never mind."

45 comments:

  1. I felt really teary reading that. What am amazing person. I am really sorry for your loss, but happy you knew her and she had that kind of impact on you. It's so comforting when you've known someone who has given you a positive way of going through the world. xx

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  2. A lovely heartfelt, poignant post. My sympathies, it's especially sad to lose someone like her at any time let alone suddenly. I'm sure that you'll remember her with fondness and a smile. xx

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  3. Your tribute also had me teary, but glad to have found this blog and read this amazing post. Good people seem to leave us way too soon, but what a shining legacy of example she has left not only for you, but for anyone who reads this post. I wish I had known someone like this in my life.

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  4. No, its not been too heavy! To me it is incredibly positive. But for your post I would never have known, that such a wonderful, much loved person has been in the world at all. Thank you for sharing what must have been very sad for you.

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  5. This has not been too heavy, it has been perfect. She sounds like the finest of people, just what I would hope to be but fall far short. If the world was filled with more amazing people like your lovely cousin just think what could be accomplished. Thank you for introducing us to her CJ. Your post moved me and maybe I can make a difference in someones life today, maybe just a smile, a donation, recycling, anything to make the world a better place. I am so sorry for your loss.

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  6. I am so glad you wrote and shared your memories and thoughts of your cousin. It has been very moving to sit and read your words first thing as I begin my day. It is a reminder too in this hectic month where it is so easy to forget about the things that matter to focus on what does matter. What an inspiring relative. I also wanted to say I am so glad for you that you have known and loved such a person and treasured her. All good wishes. Jean/winnipeg

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  7. Good to have shared your cousin's life and death with the rest of the world - we could do with more people like her. What is an umbrella in the greater scheme of things? I am glad you were able to say Never mind!!!

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  8. I think your post is lovely and thoughtful. It is a reminder that in all the commercialism of a modern Christmas there are some priceless gifts and that kindness is one of them. At my son's wedding in September, his wife told him (which may be a quotation from someone else) you can't choose to be pretty or clever, but you can choose to be kind. It is something I certainly need to remember at this time of year when I can be shrewish. I have saved your post to my Bloglovin file called "Inspirational writing"- I hope you don't mind.

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    1. I'm honoured, thank you, and thank you for your lovely comment. CJ xx

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    2. Beautiful tribute. Thank you so much for sharing. I am honored to read this! ....and great idea Lesley Anne.

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  9. I'm sure she wanted no greater tribute than to be remembered by your heart, rather than by empty words.... which these aren't, by the way. I would have liked to meet your Cousin. She sounds like a jolly good lady. And, yes, it does seem unfair that one who served so many for so long never reached the age to sit back and be served... but by the sound of it, she'd have hated that. Bless you and all who knew her.

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  10. Sad to hear of the passing, but heartwarming to know that there are people like that in the world. You're lucky to have known her. Thank you for your blog today/

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  11. I'm so sorry to hear of your cousin's passing, CJ. I'm glad you wrote such a beautiful, loving tribute to her. I think the world is better for people like her, even just reading that they exist makes me feel better.

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  12. Your post brought a lump to my throat CJ. What a beautiful tribute to a truly inspirational person. xx

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  13. Dear Claire.. what a moving and loving tribute to your cousin. She must have been a treasure to you and your family and all who came in contact with her. Reading this makes me want to strive to be a better person, too. You're a wonderful writer. My younger sister is similar in goodness and she is a treasure to me. Dayle and I both read this and both of us were moved deeply and it brought a tear to our eyes. Sending love your way..

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  14. A truly moving tribute and one to be proud of...bringing me to the reality of the season...that life and death continues..I'm all TV Christmassed out and it isn't even here yet! x

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  15. dearest Claire...i'm so sorry for your loss..your cousin sounds an incredible human being and the story of her life that you shared make me want to be a better, kinder, person. It's a funny old thing that those who are most deserving of vast and glowing tributes, are usually the most humble of all and would much prefer that no-one would.

    and yes...it's a perfect reminder amidst the grasping commercialism of the Christmas season that the greatest and most enduring gifts are those of time, attention, service and love. xoxoxo

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  16. This is a most wonderful tribute, I am very touched by your words even though I have never met your cousin. The world needs more women like her. Her spirit runs in the family - I like to think that you are a little bit like her, in your own personal way of course. Have a peaceful weekend. I hope you'll find a moment or two to write your thoughts down. xx

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  17. I echo all the comments above, Claire. You have written a perfect tribute. She sounds like someone who it would have been a privilege to know and I'm glad you had her in your life. Sending love and thank you for sharing this moving post. Sam xx

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  18. Just had to make a comment after such a moving tribute. To know that she was loved so much means everything and you will be able to hold that in your heart. The good ones always seem to go young sadly. Thinking of you. B x

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  19. Hi there! I don’t normally feel the need to write back to you but after reading your very poignant post this morning I felt I must write to thank you for sharing with us your deep loss for such a special person! I’m writing this thru tears as it has really touched me! If I can be in a tiny way as good a person as her I’ll be happy. At this time of year in all its hecticness it’s sometimes easy to forget the true meaning of Christmas. Thank you and many hugs for you and your dear cousin. Xxxx

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  20. What a deeply moving tribute to a woman who sounds like someone we could all do with in our lives. I read somewhere recently about how we measure someone’s life, whether it's by what they have achieved in life or perhaps by the number of people they’ve touched and it sounds like your relative touched many, even after her passing. She makes me want to be a better, kinder person. Thank you for telling us about her. X

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  21. It's a beautiful story and so right for this time of year. Xxx

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  22. I am sorry to hear about this sadness CJ, especially around the holiday season. Sudden deaths are hard to come to grips with, they leave so many unanswered questions. I have found that writing things down helps me deal with my dad's death this past summer. Writing can be a way to remember and honor the person who died and also to help console those of us still living. Take care.

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  23. I'm so sorry for your loss. What a rich life and how wonderful if we could all learn to be as generous and giving as this lady. I think this tribute is a wonderful way to honour her. Thank you for sharing her story.

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  24. I'm sorry for your loss, CJ--and the loss of so many others who had the pleasure of knowing your second cousin. Lesley Anne expressed my feelings very well, and her quote is something to remember.

    Your tribute was powerful and raw. I know your readers could feel your pain. Most of all, you were able to share her life, her goodness, in a way that made me long to banish all unkind thoughts from my head. To do some good while I'm here on earth. To say, "Never mind," when a huge fuss won't change things.

    Sending healing thoughts. You are a dear, and so very honest and open. Our gift.

    Jane xxx

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  25. That is such a lovely post to read. I'm so sorry for your loss, but how lucky you and so many others are to have had her in your lives.
    And well done on the umbrella, however much we want to be patient and tolerant, and however much we want to follow people who are such shining examples, it's still not easy to do.

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  26. Written from the heart CJ - Your cousin was an amazing lady.

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  27. What a beautiful tribute and a timely reminder that we should all strive to be kinder. Sorry for your loss xx

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  28. Oh CJ, I'm so very sorry about the loss of your cousin and I'm glad you came here to record your thoughts. What a beautiful life to share with others that didn't get the chance to meet her. I will be thinking of you and her family during the holidays; such a cheery, weary time with so many feelings. <3

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  29. This is one of the most moving posts I've read in a long time. How wonderful to have those memories and that example. I'm sending you comforting thoughts and hugs.

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  30. Goodness, what a beautiful tribute, you have me in tears. Your cousin sounds very much like my sister who died a year ago, she inspires me to be a better person too. You have such a gift for writing. Never, ever put your pen down!xxx

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  31. It was heavy, but beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. I think taking those wonderful moments from your lives together, I think being inspired by her wonderful personality and character and looking for ways to put that back out into the world and into your heart is probably the best way to celebrate her life. I'm so sorry for your lost, but this was a beautiful and sincere post. I think we all read it and felt your own kind tranquil soul in it.

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  32. Dear CJ
    How beautifully written. I can see how you couldn't hold all those words locked inside. You might have gone against her wish of no tributes, but she was clearly a woman who much deserves a tribute of this kind. Thank you for sharing and breaking the spell of glitter and Christmas carols... At this time of the year I easily get caught in the bubble of all things Christmassy and tend to forget about the real world outside.

    I'm inspired by this post. Just as I was inspired last week after watching Paddington 2 with my children and preaching in the car on our way home about how important it is to see something good in everyone and to be generous and kind, give without expecting anything in return. I want to live more like that and as someone else mentioned above in a wonderful quote, I shall choose to be kind. Because I truly believe that is where true happiness lies.
    Xxx
    Annette

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  33. Not heavy. Elevating. Thank you.

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  34. A lovely tribute, CJ. Good people are missed for a long time and stay in our memories for their kindness and good deeds. Your words have reached a lot of people and given them pause for thought so, well done, you've inadvertently continued your second cousin's good work and empathy! xx

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  35. That is such a beautifully written post and such a reminder of the true spirit of Christmas. She sounds like an amazing lady and one who totally deserved your beautifully written tribute. xx

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  36. You write so very beautifully, with such heartfelt feeling and eloquence and I'm sure she would forgive you for writing your feelings because to share them in this way is an encouragement to the rest of us to be a little kinder, try a little harder to help those in need and to walk a little more gently upon the earth. Much love xxx

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  37. A moving tribute, and well-deserved, it sounds. And sad but positive, a breath of what Christmas is all about at this time of often material concerns. I hope you are able to treasure the many happy memories that you have amongst the sadness.
    Cathy x

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  38. what a wonderful post about someone who was clearly very special and dear to you x thinking of you xxx

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  39. So sorry to hear about your loss. She sounds an amazing lady and I'm sure she wouldn't have minded your tribute to her. I'm sure it helped you writing it down and sharing it.
    I hope you had an umbrella on your Christmas list! Sarah x

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  40. Oh, gosh, CJ. What a truly wonderful woman. Thank you for sharing your memories and thoughts with us. I'm very glad you did. X

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  41. That was quite a moving tribute about an amazing person!

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  42. a truly lovely and heartfelt tribute. In writing it her influence has been a blessing to others. Believe me when we have known someone like that they remain in our hearts and lives for all time to comfort and inspire us

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