Tuesday 15 September 2015

A dodgy barnet and an insightful interview

green roof, blue sky




the flower plot

I took the littlest boy to the barber's today,  His barnet* was annoying him and the lure of the post haircut lollipop was strong.  I like it at the barber's.  Until I had three boys I'd never stepped inside one.  It intrigues me.  In the front of the shop are leather seats, free coffee, Sky tv (always on), an Xbox (out of order) and a fine assortment of man reading material.  Out the back are the barbers, two or three young guys, holding shouted conversations with punters and each other about football, celebrities and, well, that's about it as far as I can tell.

I usually like to read The Sun or the Daily Star and see what I'm missing in the world of tabloid excess.  Recently they've stopped taking them though, so today it was GQ or Muscle Building Meatheads (that might not have been the exact title).  I chose the muscle building.  The photos were quite horrific.  I couldn't stop staring.  Did you know that Arnold Schwarzenegger is 68, works out almost every day and he's just made another Terminator movie?  That's nearly 70!  And he hasn't let it stop him.  If it's worth doing, it's worth flogging to death.

The littlest boy persuaded the barber to cut his fringe extra short, something they were reluctant to do because of his cow's lick.  (The Urban Dictionary defines this as "a parting in someone's hair that naturally goes to the back of their head - so it looks like a cow has licked your head". )  He was warned that if he had a short fringe it would stick up on one side mate and be all wonky.  He was keen to go for it anyway.  It's a look all his own.

I shall leave you with a conversation I had with the biggest boy, who had to interview a parent about their favourite villain.  He chose me, which is a novelty, he normally picks his father, but apparently he doesn't read books with villains, so me it was.

BB:   Who's your favourite villain?

Me:    Hmm, I don't know, that's tricky.  I can't think of any.  [Long pause].  Lord Voldemort.

BB:    Seriously???

Me:    I don't know any others.

BB:    Smaug?  Moriarty?

Me:    I can't remember anything about Smaug.  And I haven't read any Sherlock Holmes.

BB:    [With an undertone of slight impatience] Well what about from something you have read.  The Hunger Games?  Fifty Shades of Grey?

Me:    [Choking slightly]  I don't remember The Hunger Games that well.

BB:    [Eyeing me speculatively]  Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey?

Me:   I've read Fifty Sheds of Grey but there wasn't a villain as such.

In the end we went with Lord Voldemort.  I told him he could write "My mother reads children's books" at the end of it.  At one point he corrected my grammar.  I told him he could also write, "My mother has appalling grammar as well as reading children's books".

After he had grilled me at length about Lord Voldemort he asked me if there was anything I would like to add, and then faithfully transcribed my reply.

Me:  No thank you, I'm going to do the washing-up now, but thank you for your time.

Do you suppose it's all a subtle test to see how intelligent the parents are?

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*Barnet being cockney rhyming slang for hair - Barnet Fair/hair

35 comments:

  1. As ever you have extended my knowledge of the world CJ. I've never been inside a barbers. But a short fringe will be an asset to a little boy who risks a dunking in the flamingo pond. Which is probably quite smelly by the way. Have you ever stepped inside one of their sheds?

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  2. Hilarious to say the least. I have a cow's lick as well...and let us not mention, the fading, thinning of my hair.
    I do remember the story of Daddy taking my brother for his first haircut and trying to ease the angst by buying him an ice cream. Of course, the hair fell on that ice cream cone, increasing that angst.
    p.s. there are many subtle tests...

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  3. i would contest that HP are strictly "children's" books....ahem. besides, i think that He Who Must Not Be Named is the quintissential (sp?) villain. so there.

    fifty sheds? *giggle*

    i've never been in a barber's either...it sounds like you slipped through a portal to an alien dimension. those bodybuilder photos are terrifying. *shudder*

    xo

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  4. Cute post. I am a fan of the barber shop as well. I had to go to a different neighborhood cutter this time, since the barber shop my son prefers is so busy. He too went shorter and alas, His Cowlicks are in full effect, especially the next morning after a sleep on a wet head after a soccer practice shower. He gets 2 that look like horns. Perhaps I gave birth to a demon ;)

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  5. That flamingo pond sure looks like a fun place. They must be pretty nice if they let kids hop around near them. I wish you'd show us a photo of that cowlick! ((hugs)), Teresa :-)

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  6. Whenever I have a conversation with my son, I feel like an idiot. Apparently the boy reads every newspaper in the world. LOL

    His memory of what he reads is simply amazing.

    Your photos, as always, make me quite jealous! You live in a BEAUTIFUL place.

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  7. I too have a cow lick so I can sympathize, although for some reason it's not nearly so obvious as when I was small. Having daughters I've never been in a barber's - I feel I'm missing out! Great photos and conversation! xx

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  8. I've never been to a barber's - my son goes to one whilst the rest of us (husband included) frequent a rather lovely modern hairdresser's in a converted Victorian schoolhouse. I had thought he was missing out. After reading your post I'm now wondering if we are! I think I'd struggle to think of a villain as most adult fiction contains more subtle characterisation, so children's literature it is. He Who Must Not Be Named is a good choice.
    Cathy x

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  9. I hated taking my boys to the barbers and learned to cut their hair myself. They always had dodgy haircuts! I love the conversation about villains.

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  10. I really am missing out, having daughters I have never visited a barbers shop.

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  11. How funny, I hope you passed the test, whatever it was. Lovely cosmos and flowers. :-)

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  12. Oh my I actually had laughter tears in my eyes. Yes to the barbers, it sounds almost identical to the one I take my youngest to & that conversation I love it. I am constantly corrected by my eldest son over my lack of grammar he actually bought me a book!! And the impatient undertone - I get that from both of them, I've just read the conversation again & I'm still snorting. When Rob returned from uni last year he spotted the 50 shades of grey trilogy on top of the landing bookcase & looked at me in horror while asking if it was mine. It wasn't it was Mikes. You have really cheered me up today with that conversation - priceless xx

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  13. Definitely. New school, new intake of year 7. Similar to those primary school writing assignments such as "My Holiday" or "My Weekend". My son even had to write about his bedroom once and his first written sentence in his first week of reception was "m ct dd". Which translated as "My cat died". Sadly she had died the week before. I didn't like the barbers so have expunged it from my memory bank. It was such a relief at age 14 or so when he started cycling there by himself. Love the leaping boy photo.

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  14. I love sitting at the barbers listening to the blokes and watching their number-two-at-the-top-number-one-on-the-sides develop. Our barber's Xbox works and his TV is on endless MTV clips. I am learning the barber jargon to get a decent cut for my youngest two. It is a bit hit and miss (but no cow's lick). My oldest prefers the posh salon and has his own stylist (the outcome is still hit and miss). It is nice that your oldest takes his homework seriously :-) what a funny conversation, it will make the teachers day. xx

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  15. Definitely a test. I'm sure you will have passed. My daughter came home and told us how she had very enthusiastically volunteered to speak in class about parents drinking habits at home......
    We didn't come out well despite the reality of the situation and I'm sure there will be a note somewhere of the information she shared. Hey ho.... X

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  16. They are so funny, children, aren't they? L tends to ring Granny whenever there's any interviewing to be done. I think he feels my opinions are already so well known they don't need the encouragement of a formal airing. I did smile reading yours, and spent quite a while pondering which villain I would have chosen. I concluded Voldemort too, which is a relief frankly, because I now have a ready answer and shan't panic if the question is ever raised. I'm also wondering whether I should now step foot into a barbers, rather than taking L to my hairdressers, although to be honest it sounds rather intimidating. I'm not sure I could cope with Arnold S and all his muscles.... XXX

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  17. A lovely post, I had a much needed giggle with my morning cuppa, thanks!

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  18. Barber's shops, they're like another world. I don't get to visit now that Daniel's twenty, he assures me he can manage perfectly well, thank you. I'm sure this sort of homework is just the teacher being nosey, wanting to know things about parents, it's a good way for them to find out.

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  19. I used to go to the actual Barnet Fair as a child. The horse fair came first and then the fairground. It was the highlight of the year apart from Christmas and birthdays. I agree about the nosey factor with this sort of homework. What did you do in the holidays was another. I remember when I was visiting a school on an open day that the holiday essays where all double mounted and pinned to the wall. One child had given a perfectly nice account of his Devon holiday but at the end, in very obviously adult writing, was an addendum saying that their real holiday was at Christmas when they were going to the Bahamas or some such place.

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  20. I'm going to miss out on the barbers with having 2 girls. My eldest is very against having her hair cut because then it won't be really, really long (Like Elsa or Rapunzel - sigh). I love the interview...you did well! Fifty sheds - very well done! :-) have a great week xx PS those dahlias - swoon.

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  21. This post made me laugh. Lovely pictures, especially the cosmos. Flighty xx

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  22. Younger son here decided - around about the time he started paying for his own haircuts - that the best approach is to go as short as possible so you can then wait as long as possible until the next cut. We regularly swing from him looking like he just signed up to him looking like Cousin Itt. Okay, that last may be a slight exaggeration, but it's still very discombobulating.

    My villain would have been either Grendel's mother, or Samuel Whiskers ... I wonder what the school would make of me?!

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  23. I just took my son for a haircut on Monday. I used to have my husband take him to the barber shop but they moved to a scary neighborhood and none of us wants to go there anymore, so I bring him to the place I go to. He has crazy, thick hair that grows fast and is also very straight and feathery and he has not one but two cowlicks, so haircuts have to be done just so to keep it all in control. His hair is a job all by itself. I don't know which villain I'd be...Miss Trunchbull from Matilda, maybe.

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  24. It can be rather an advantage to be late in reading your delightful posts, in that I can also read some delightful comments. You have got me thinking...after often cutting my sons' hair in their youth and once horrifically nicking my eldest son's ear with the scissors, my youngest son, now 40, has taken to cutting his own hair, and my oldest son now 46 is a successful cosmetologist in NY city...one never knows the influence one has wandering through gorgeous gardens, challenging haircuts, and insightful interviews with one's sons.

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  25. And you didn't ask HIM why he even knows about Fifty Shades of Gray?! Are those your beautiful dahlias in the flower garden? Wow!

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  26. That sounds like the sort of homework a teacher sets just for a laugh.

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  27. This did make me laugh CJ. I'm not keen on the whole waiting in the barbours. Why can't they have appointments like ladies. And then if we are sat waiting any further customers look a bit annoyed I have brought three boys at the same time.
    Not sure who I would have chosen as a villain. I think it's like you said...teachers checking out the parents. I would have get the boys to interview my mum :0)

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  28. Gorgeous cosmos and dahlias. My daughter (yr 7 also) has been getting similar 'checking out' homework. My eldest once had to do a survey of his family to find out the countries we'd all been to and what age we were when we first travelled abroad. Nosey.

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  29. It's a cunning ploy. Just like the 'what I did in my holidays' essay in September so that the teachers can spy on what the parents have been up to. My children are enjoined to write anything but the truth.

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  30. A test for parent's? To check their intelligence? I'm going to fail this SO BADLY.

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  31. Given it is only early days of a new term, of a new school, I would be almost certain that is exactly what they're doing. Be prepared for parents evening with a suitably gritty riposte should the villain question arise ;-) xx

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  32. That was hysterical. I am a huge fan of Lord Voldemort and he is a perfect villain. My grammar and spelling are atrocious, and I also read children't books!
    Hugs,
    Meredith

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  33. Hey CJ,
    Loved, loved, loved this! I'm sure teachers spy on us; why do they do home visits if not to run a finger along the top of the tv looking for dust;))))
    Leanne xx

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