I am trying to work out how to murder someone. It's a writing thing, not an actual thing you'll be happy to hear. Nonetheless, it doesn't feel very healthy, devoting thinking time to it. I wish it could just sort itself out and I would sweep in and solve it. But alas, I must do the killing as well as the thrilling denouement. I'll let you know how it goes. I am leaning towards rohypnol and a quick shove into the docks. But I'm also going to need to weigh the body down. You see, not healthy. Let's talk about something else.
The biggest boy went to France for a week and is now all continental. He also had a birthday and got braces - it has all been going on for him. He's finding eating tricky, not least because they've sort of propped his teeth apart to stop him actually biting them together. We are all mystified as to how he is supposed to chew things. Does he have to eat soup for two years? Of course, we should have asked at the time, but he was a bit stunned by it all and I was struggling to stay awake (bad sleeping again). I am compiling a list of things that can be eaten without teeth. Gnocchi and trifle, here we come.
I have been busy, busy, busy here, but frustratingly no-one else in the house appears to have anything to do. I am grinding my teeth and building slowly towards explosion point. It's a common thing I think, that the woman of the household does almost everything. And the more capable the woman is etc. I shall say no more, but imagine me simmering away and slamming things.
Hence the weekend promises to be tense. I would rather love to decamp with my laptop to a cafe and come home when it's all over. But of course I would miss the urchins after half an hour. Well, at least after a month or two. So we will all rattle round together and no doubt it will be good. I shall concentrate on keeping my mouth shut and Getting On With Things. Wish me luck. And if any bodies bob up in the docks, it almost certainly will not have been me.
I'll look forward to seeing how you feed him - I have a little girl here who is the poster child for needing braces and her time will come fairly soon. Hmmm...murder. I may have some ideas about that...
ReplyDeleteReally I find the first week was the most difficult for eating the things when my son got his braces, soft things. And each time they are modified we had 2 days of soft food again. I am finding wearing the retainer consistently has been more of a struggle than feeding him for the 2 years he had them on. May I recommend 2 things, slice the corn off the cob when it's in season and get a cordless water flosser. Make it easier.
ReplyDeleteI have come up with the different methods of the killing, but the subtlety of planting the clues so tie it together was much more difficult for me. So I'm murderous by nature but not clever enough to get away with it. Probably a better combination for us all.
Weekends feel a bit exhausting for me as well but I'm going to focus on the positive for the both of us. All the best to you and yours CJ.
The problems of being a very competent mother. I have the same issues here with things getting done by me and frankly no one else. My husband seems to forget whole conversations we have had about him having a chore to do. My oldest helps but it really is never done completely. Here is my question, when all the dishes are supposed to be put away at night before bedtime (not by me I might add) then whey are there always three or four things for me to put away in the morning. Not all the dishes just a few random forks, a bowl, you get the idea. If you need to be bailed out of jail just let me know and I will be on my way for the rescue.
ReplyDeleteI don't envy you having the task of dreaming up a good murder. Good luck on that. When it was time for housecleaning I used to don my "boss lady" hat and bark out orders and we all worked together until it was done. You should definitely be training your urchins to help you out. Just think of it as training them to be able to take care of themselves someday and be a better husband. I know they won't be too happy but that's life. ((hugs)), Teresa :-)
ReplyDeleteSpeaking as a mother of two daughters, I think it is so important for mothers to teach their sons how to share household chores as well as know how to cook, sew on buttons, and really for everyone to be self-sufficient. It will ultimately lead to a happier relationship. CJ, I can't wait to read your book. I love your blog and writing style!
DeleteThank you so much for posting this, CJ. Whilst I truly have empathy for the difficulties you mentioned above, your delightful recount of them prompted me to laugh out loud more than I have in some time, and I am smiling at you yet! Writing fiction causes me great angst. I tried to write a sweet romance but was given pause when I realized I had the male and female bathing suit clad protagonists in a hot tub together before the end of the first chapter. Mercy!
ReplyDeleteOh dear CJ ,I sympathise with you ,keeping silent just won't cut it I'm afraid ,I did the same when my three kids were growing up ,try dishing a few jobs out to them .your minds on overload which is effecting your sleep ,have you tried yoga,mindfulness ,you would benefit from this I'm sure .as for the murder I have lots of ideas Mmmmmm .take care CJ x
ReplyDeleteAh. the joys of braces! Both of my girls had to wear them and they took some getting used to. I remember finding L in tears the first night because she loved playing the flute and couldn't make an embouchure properly. Luckily, her teacher helped her make a few modifications and all was fine. It's definitely all worth it in the end. Good luck with the murder - now there's a sentence I never thought I'd write! xx
ReplyDeleteI wouldn’t like to think about murder either. Both F and J had braces, they were tricky to start with but it gets easier and is so worth it when they’ve done their job and can come off. Sending you peaceful weekend hopes dear friend xx
ReplyDeleteSo many different ways to murder I guess. Being in an explosive mood certainly must expedite the ideas. Hope the braces aren’t too troublesome this weekend. I too am having trouble leaving comments. Urgh with updates. Sorry I had to post as anonymous. Barbara at Coastal Ripples
ReplyDeleteBraces weren't a problem for either of mine, but the organisational load was / is sensational.
ReplyDeleteGiven you're no use to anyone else if you're not looking after yourself first, remember those instructions you get before your flight takes off and make sure you are comfortable (that is, nowhere near explosion point) before you start doing anything for any of them. If you're not, don't do whatever it is you feel you should.
The first couple of times are awful, but then the rest of the family (husband plus two boys for me) begins to listen. In my experience it is never perfect when they do - mereknits seems to have my family at the same time as I do - but it's infinitely better than before you make a stand.
An enjoyable post and good pictures. I hope that the weekend proves to less tense and more relaxing than you hoped for. Good luck with the writing. xx
ReplyDeleteThink of the positive side of things, at least you can grind journey teeth. :-)
ReplyDeleteI wonder how long it would take to compost a body, alternatively you could dress it up as Guy Fawkes after the rohypnol.
Dear CJ, believe me they will be grown up and gone from the nest before you know it. I never grieved when that happened, although I missed them, but I always thought that it was lovely to have some peace at last, until my husband began to act like a child....... Now I feel like the mother again, getting him to do household chores and pick up things he leaves around the house...... Good luck with the murder. Regards, Robyn
ReplyDeleteMy simmering and slamming about the house miraculously stopped a couple of days ago when school started again and hubby went back to work... light bulb moment! I'm sorry I can't help you with the murder. Even thinking about it makes me wait anxiously for a knock on the door for someone to come and take me away! xx Susan
ReplyDeleteHappy sunday !..love your sweet dog...love Ria x 💕
ReplyDeleteI've just been reading Ann Cleeves book Cold Earth for our library mystery book club and there's a scene where the detectives call at a house on a miserable wet day and three young boys are inside bickering and playing loudly and the detectives speak to the dad. A table is laid for lunch and the family are expecting visitors for lunch, but the only voice from the mum are pots banging loudly in the kitchen. I hope you have a good productive writing week. jean/winnipeg
ReplyDeleteI just noticed the guardian online has a piece today on Agatha Christie's war time volunteering and how she became an expert on poisons as a volunteer nurse,
DeleteHope your weekend was better than you anticipated, is it half term this week too? Sarah x
ReplyDeleteMy husband started writing a novel with several murders in it. I didn't volunteer to proof read it and thankfully it has now been shelved.
ReplyDeleteEven so. . . they do say the mind anticipates the action.
Wishing you a good weekend without murdering anyone! You can add rice pudding and risotto to the list 😉
ReplyDeleteI am totally feeling your motherhood stress. It is happening all over! Jo x
ReplyDelete