Thank you all for your lovely encouraging comments on my last post. Happy to find so many like-minded souls and hear so much positivity.
I have been down to the allotment a bit more now that things have started to grow. Sadly there has been another vandalism attack, a more serious one this time. My plot neighbour has decided to give up his plot after his fruit cage was destroyed. He does still have half of another plot, but it's a shame to see him throwing in the towel on the full one. A couple of other long-standing allotmenteers have each given up one of their plots as well.
I am feeling rather flat about the whole writing thing at the moment. I'm contemplating a proofreading and editing course. But mainly just feeling restless and, oh, I don't know, useless I suppose. I don't want to drift along, I want to actually find something I can do. Support and encouragement can be rather lacking around here, so I need to cheer myself along, and sometimes I just run out of oomph. Not to worry though, no doubt it will be back.
I had a hot and bothered afternoon today, driving in a stuffy car to watch a football match half an hour away. When I got there I found it had been cancelled. I drove back fuming that the biggest boy hadn't bothered to tell me and rehearsing all the cross things I would be saying. When I arrived home I realised I had put my phone on silent when I was at a thing earlier on and forgotten to turn the sound back on. There were about five missed calls and a text. Oops. And I had all those speeches ready prepared. I am filing them away for next time. In the meantime the other half had completely forgotten to collect the other two from school, so there were calls about that as well. The littlest boy was quite thrilled by it all. "Dad forgot us, for an hour!" It's a new world record.
I am pressing on with my Lent avoidance of snacks and puddings. Last week I put on a quarter of a pound. Astonishing no? It's hard to imagine how I did it. Although I do maybe have a little extra to make up for it... Wouldn't do to start feeling weak.
Hope all are well and enjoying a little sunshine. CJ xx
It's so hard when you want to have a focus but no focus comes. I do sympathise. All I can say is keep looking and don't give up. Sad news about the allotment. What gets into some people's heads? Xx
ReplyDeleteSome days just seem like that. Wasted journeys, senseless destruction. Hope you get some motivation, I'm sure some sort of editing course would give you a boost, a raison d'etre . We all need that encouragement, an occasional 'well done' to push us on our way. Hope you get yours :) B x
ReplyDeleteI just popped in while taking a break from writing up a particularly hard evaluation. If it makes you feel better my husband has forgotten my older two on occasion when they were little. Once I was at my Oncologist of all things and he did not know if he would wake the littlest and go pick up the first grader. Really? I was so, so upset with him I could not even talk to him for days. Not only am I upset about being at the Oncologist I have to worry if he will have the brains to wake up a child to pick the other one up. Thank goodness we lived in a very small town at the time and her wa safe. Okay I have to get off this blog, see I can't even make it one day!
ReplyDeleteI hear you about the drifting. I'm thinking through lots of "what next" type questions around work and life - I've got 25 + years of working life ahead of me and I don't want to be the school admin officer for ever, although it's great for now. CJ, we need some careers advice! And our own personal cheerleading squad. It's not much to ask, is it?? Don't give up on the writing lovely, you're bloody good at it. Xx
ReplyDeleteI feel like I'm drifting sometimes too. I have no idea what the future holds. I plan not to work until my daughter finishes high school, at which point I'll be nearly 50. I don't see a lot of possibilities there. Anyway, I think it's a great idea to save up those lectures for some other time because you will definitely need them. :)
ReplyDeleteHave you thought of doing some freelance writing? Lots of Bloggers seem to do that.
ReplyDeleteI was unable to pick the boys up twice in three weeks.... have now instructed them to walk home when I am not at the school gate. Finding work that is satisfying and enjoyable AND fits in with life is not easy. I am in a lucky phase at the moment, work that I enjoy and working hours that suit, mostly, see first sentence:-) Five months left, then probably back to drifting. I think a proofreading and editing course would be very interesting and rewarding. I'll support you in any way I can, a comment here, an email there, even a phone call (provided your phone is not on silent). You are a gifted writer, be kind to yourself and go with the flow.
ReplyDeleteI am appalled that there is vandalism at your allotment site, what a shame for your plot neighbours to feel they have to give their plot up because of it. Not sure what to suggest, tripwires and open paint pots maybe? Lets hope the vandals remember they need an education and get a grip on their lives. Wishing you a lovely week. Is it half term where you are yet? xx
Goodness.. so sorry to hear of the vandals.. I wonder what is in their heads.. mush? Evilness? I really detest senseless waste of vandalism. Sorry about your boys being forgotten. I was left waiting to be picked up in the dark at a movie theater when I was 12 and it did traumatize me. Worse was I was in the Christmas program when I was in 1st grade and my parents didn't come.. they cancelled the bus home as the parents were to take their kids home. I stood there in front of the school until finally someone felt sorry for me and gave me a ride home. SO.. it can be traumatic. Keep on looking for your special thing you want to do.. make it happen.. you can do it. ((hugs)), Teresa :-)
ReplyDeleteIt all seems to go to hell at once. Sometimes that makes it easier to throw our hands up in defeat and move on. The smaller things are prickly burrs, and they hurt a little more. Even so, I hear and feel your frustration in others making your life harder (phone off or not).
ReplyDeleteI've not been a follower of your blog for long...maybe you can enlighten me about your writing. I've been writing for a bit and perhaps we could 'chat'.
Jane x
Vandals...you can only despair at the mentality.
ReplyDeleteOn a lighter note, Dads forgetting to pick up the kids is a fairly typical thing. Been there done that :) It's on a par with Dads pushing kids so hard on a swing that the kids fall off, same as a round-a-bout. There's no excuses, it's just a dad thing, it's built into some of us. I've sat there for an hour thinking "there's something I should be doing....", then the phone rings and by the 2nd ring I not only know the School is on the phone but I know why :)
How awful about the allotment; completely mindless. You had me laughing about the silent phone - we've all been there. It's good to have those arguments thought out and ready to go for next time! xx
ReplyDeleteThat is such a shame about the allotment. I think that a lack of respect is the culprit for so many wrongs. (And also cheaply bought alcohol in the case of teenagers.) Your pictures are a nice dose of spring though. Everybody goes through periods of feeling blah. You are a fantastic Mom to your three boys; personally I think that is a handful of a job. It sounds like you are educating and cultivating them to be good people who are aware of the world around them - not just letting them veg out in front of screens all the time. Kudos for that.
ReplyDeleteAllotment vandalism is mindless, and sadly so soul destroying for those affected. I'm sorry to see that you're feeling a bit flat about the writing, and hope that your mood will improve soon.
ReplyDeleteWhat with all that along with a hot and bothered afternoon and giving up snacks and puddings I'm really not surprised that you feel as you do.
I'm okay and enjoying the sunshine, and hope you are too. Flighty xx
Sorry to hear about the allotments, I hope that there will not be any further issues. Hope you can settle, it is horrid when you can't isn't it. I have been like that lately, but coming back around to myself more again, so I hope that happens for you too.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about the allotments, but I do love that picture along the wall. It's lovely.
ReplyDeleteYour story of the cancelled football match is THE BEST. I can relate very well. I'm about to modify my son's doctor's appointment for the third time, because I keep forgetting that he has something else pressing the days that I schedule them for. You'd think since I'm a mom that operates a calendar I would be capable at least on the second pass ...
But I'm a total victim of "ignoring" my silent phone. LOL
DeleteHey CJ,
ReplyDeleteI hate any form of vandalism; it's just the most ignorant way to behave. But feel terribly sad that your allotment neighbour threw in the towel because of it. Such a shame. I sympathise with the writing and the lack of support. It's very much the same here. And sometimes it's simply finding the time, or having some energy reserved for yourself instead of giving it away to everyone else. Keep on though CJ, you were obviously born to write.
Leanne xx
You are my sister across the pond! I gave up sugar for the month of January (everything I ate had to have zero grams), and I lost no weight at all, but since I've resumed my normal diet, I've gained 3 lbs. Yay, me.
ReplyDeleteI started proofreading and editing for a local publication 6 years ago, and have added a few more clients since then. I work mostly from home. I'm glad to have a legitimate answer for that dreaded question "what do you do?" because now that my youngest is 17, stay-at-home mom feels unnecessary and lazy. Proofreading and copy editing can be really tedious and boring, and I'm not sure I want to keep doing it, but since I have little ambition, I just keep doing it. I'll be 50 this year and my youngest will fly the nest next year; I am staring down a new phase in my life and wondering what to do next. I would actually be happy drifting along doing my own thing (and I realize how very privileged I am to have that option), but I also think I need to contribute to society somehow, and I'm not sure what that is yet.
Why would anyone want to vandalise an allotment? Especially a fruit cage. Just what is there to gain? Someone with a lot of pent up anger or boredom I suppose.
ReplyDeleteThat's utterly horrible about the vandalism at the allotments. Is nothing sacred? that sort of thing really gets me irate. I could crack heads. Which is saying something as i'm not generally prone to violence.
ReplyDeletehearing you on the writing thing -- as you know. i don't know if it's the time of year or, like you say, lack of local encouragement....*shrug*....swings and roundabouts.
i just did a three (and a half) day juicing 'reboot' and had to stop (it was supposed to be 5 days) because i felt like utter crap- i don't think it was designed for someone with a very physical job. too much of a good thing, i suppose. :) now i feel like i have a cold coming on so all in all, being healthy isn't what it's cracked up to be. :) i also don't think i could face another glass of beet juice. xoxo
Shame your allotments have been targeted. It must be soul destroying after all the time and effort (not to mention cash) that's put into developing and maintaining the plots. Well done on the continued Lenten abstinence. Personally, I can't wait for all the Easter gorging on buns and chocolate and cake. Good luck with the course if that's what you decide to do. I think feeling stuck for a while, maybe a long while, is sometimes necessary before we know which steps to take.
ReplyDeleteTerribly sad news about the allotments. I despair of some people. And as for your writing. It's lovely. You don't need help. You write from the heart which is where it should come from. Mind you I think Spring always make you re-evaluate things, well it does me anyway. Chin-up and have a lovely weekend. xx
ReplyDeletep.s have you thought of doing something with your photos? You have a fabuous eye :-) xx
ReplyDelete